Election time in Ferntucky

Our little burg is no stranger to exagerrated personalities, prima donnas and dolts in politics who find ways of landing in the media and making the rest of us drop our heads into our hands wondering what normal people think of us, really.

There was the occasion when the election was so close it was decided with a coin toss. Of course, with so much media attention on the toss, one participant could not let the event go without collapsing. And that was after declining to appear on the David Letterman Show to hold the coin toss on national television (thank you for not doing that and who is your publicist?). Then shortly after, there was the time the bomb squad got called out because the mayor thought a box looked scary.

They took it out to a vacant lot and blowed the dang thing all to pieces. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when the mayor had to call the organization that had sent her that award to ask them to send another one, one she would promise not have blown up.

Candidates have always been entertaining in a less harmful way. We have one perpetual candidate, who finally found his way onto city council to to someone resigning and before anyone in town knew a replacement was needed (only a few hundred of the few thousands in town get the local newspaper), who ran on the slogan “Swim with Zimm.” You see, he has been trying for years to get backers for a public indoor pool (this after a more well-thought-out indoor pool was built in the neighboring bigger metro and then fell into financial troubles). His hand painted signs with all their misspellings and crazy syntax were worth a chuckle. But if you ever saw his double-dome concept, initially designed to house the pool and library in adjacent, yet connected domes (think wonderbra), and wondered what all that chlorine enriched humid air would do to the books you would not be alone.

And today saw another one for the books. We have some residents in town with political aspirations. The father is building a very unique multi-story structure right on Main Street, a block or two from City Hall. If it seemed like it will be completed and everything, including doorways leading to a certain fatal fall, didn’t appear as merely second-thought design elements, it would hold promise. But in the absence of any seemingly intentional progress, it’s fallen into “that thing” category of buildings (just above the “blue tarp” category).

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

The son of “the thing’s” builder is running for mayor. Need I say more? Okay, I will. Better yet, here are some pictures. They built what looks like a theatre out front of “the thing.” And at night, a projector is set up to shine an oversize political yard sign up on the screen. Of course this drew the ire of most anyone with some sense of appropriateness and common sense (am I ranting? ok, just a little there). So city staff put “the thing’s” owner and the candidate son on notice that they were violating a few signage rules and safety codes.

The campaign’s response in stating they were not aware they were in violation was priceless:

“If we were, we were not doing it intentionally and we apologize. City Hall seems very heavy-handed, arbitrary and capricious considering we’re the underdog in this campaign.”
Hee. Somebody call the waaaaaaambulance.

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